Happy Friday

This cake caught my eye because it looks kinda earthy and retro and sometimes I like to pretend that I'm earthy so here it is.
I like the colors and I like the tree part, but what I don't like is that it looks like a bunch of 5 year olds came along and licked the thing up and down and left it covered in glistening drool. FAIL.

You don't have to be a friggin architect

to make a straight line.

You know what the Fourth of July means?

Flag Cake of course! My mom would make it with a double layer vanilla sheet cake with strawberries in the icing in between the layers, with they typical blueberries for stars and strawberry slices for stripes. It just isn't a Fourth of July party without one of these. It would usually come out looking something like this:

But this is uglysheetcake.com, not prettysheetcake.com, so here is a terrible effort I found while browsing:

How about caring just a little? You might as well go ahead and take a crap on a flag and burn it.

Whats New About a Tuesday?

Not a whole lot. Work is busy as hell, and when it isn't I try to squeeze in an il' anatomy lesson or 2. Tuesdays continue to be kinda stale though. Nothing is scheduled, so things miraculously surface. This is an oldie but goodie.... it has been seen in many a forward 'round Halloweener yet it never gets old.

Thanks Deck and Addie for the sub.

1 spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 white cake mix
2 large pkg vanilla instant pudding mix, prepared (I like Bird's® dessert mix)
1 large pkg vanilla sandwich cookies
green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls®

1 new kitty litter pan
1 new plastic kitty litter pan liner
1 new pooper scooper

Lets have some smurf.

How can I possibly put into words the feelings of sweet regression I get when I look at these pictures? How can I possibly describe this homemade cake better than Ruby Khan herself, as she had actually lived through it at her littlest brothers firstest birthday.
"bizarre, blue, be-hatted Mickey Mouse"

I would have to agree. The fact that it's blue just reiterates the fact that no matter what, parents just aren't hip enough to tell the diffreance between a Surf-shaped pan and a Mickey Mouse-shaped pan. Or maybe there was just too many icing colors needed for mickey.

How cute is mini-Khan? Sqeeeeeeeallllling with delight. I hope that this is a different party because if these kids got cupcakes instead of that beautiful blue beast it would be pretty unfortunate. Then again the elder Khans were probably just looking out for their rugs.

Thanks Ruby!

Cubism

This cake is pretty cool. It reminds me of that game GrowCube and also that game cubis. More so that game GrowCube though.


vs


I <3 it! I must learn how to do this.

Whyyyyyyieeeeee?

Fashions are strange. Roses or ivy, white or ivory, hearts or lace? Why bother choosing between?



Thanks Maimsey

Clusterfuck

Thanks Fevah for this interesting entry. At first glance you would assume (incorrectly) that this is a child's cake, and the mother was patient enough to let said child decorate it with sludge-like frosting of their own mixing and whatever random garbage toys he found on the floor. Then you take a closer look and realise that the candles clearly signify that the recipient of this monstrosity is 45. If someone gave me this shit-show for my birthday when I was 45 and expected me to actually eat it I think I'd toss myself out the window because nobody really gave a shit about me anyways. But then again maybe his kid made it for him and now I feel bad. I don't know why I assume it's for a guy. I guess it would make it that much worse.

yes it is a cake.

It reminds me of college! How nice....

It also reminds me of how my mouth tasted for a month after our Massacre trip to Bumbershoot. Ick. Thanks Shattered for the Sub.

I'm also going to toss this in because it's cake-related and I have a soft spot in my heart for hammies & such.

A for idea, C+ for effort.

This is a pretty cool idea, poor execution. I mean why would you go to all that trouble just to leave the icing looking all crumby and sparse? I have half a mind to do this right.

I have a test today...

in my anatomy & physiology class. It's covering the skull, vertebrae and ribs. In honor of this here's a positively ghoulish cake that might be a little too graphic even for me to consider it appetizing.

None for me, thanks.


Oh the delicious carnage...

One distrurbing cake family.

Oh hello there. Meet my creepy cake-dad with the pencil moustache named Owen.


What is it made of? Are those black candles?

And of course my matronly cake-mom with the cupcake tits and football stomach.




And our horrible rat-ish creature. Can't you just smell the wet dog in the air?


It looks like it melting off of the platter. Nightmares.

Thanks to Shattered for Owen and the rat. Thanks Spite for cupcake-tits, who happened to fall upon this cake whilst browsing the website for the International Childbirth Education Association. JK JK

How do you realllly feel?

Here are a couple of hilarious cakes submitted by Maimsey's pal Jo. In the midst of obligatory "Happy" Birthdays and such, how soon we forget that what the cake means and says is truly at the hands of the creator. Some fine examples:

I mean, you got a cake. We care, you get it.


And someties just being a wise ass is fun.

I mean, you could have unwrapped the candies though.

Thanks Jo!

WTF

What the hell is this? Is this a joke? It is by far the most heinous cake I have ever seen. Ugh.

Yikes.

I'm pretty sure this was living under my bed when I was five.

It's gonna be a hot one...

Stay cool with this medley of marzipan! I enjoy how the pool-goers are quite godlike in their ability to sit on water.

Thanks for the submission, Katie!

ummmmmmm AMAZING.

This is the sickest cake I've ever seen. I could only wish to strive for such excellence in sheet-cakery. If I don't have chinese for dinner tonight I will be very VERY dissapointed until I do.

Let's keep this going...

Here's a submission from Amelia. Might as well keep on with the dirtyness. I could easily have a smuttysheetcake.blogspot.



Thanks Amelia!

Tits your Birthday!

Just a quick and dirty post until I can figure out how to get a picture off my cell phone of a lovely cake relating to my evening last night.

Thanks Maims! Ya perv.

Anyone for pond scum?

So I thought this weekend would be full of sheetcake. Saturday afternoon I had a graduation barbecue and right after a wedding reception. So after not being able to get to the bbq with time to get ready for the wedding and be on time, I just had the wedding. Alas, it was at a hotel and they went with the hotel dessert which happened to be turtle cheesecake. I am dissapointed, but not for long. That was some tasty turtle!

Anywhooooo here is your ugly sheet cake for this Monday. It stirrs visions of Father's Day, which is right around the corner. Don't forget!